the saga continues....

this post will have TMI, but for some reason, i'm still gunna post it...
saturday i felt great, i was up alittle, eating more and my energy was coming back...then my incision site started bleeding , i called the dr. he said gargle with ice water and try to get it to stop, if it doesn't in 15 min. then go the hospital. well it stoped and he told me to lay in bed all day. the next day, i felt pretty good again. around 1 , i started bleeding again, this time, a lot! i was gargling with cold water and spiting it back out, spitting out blood with water, makes it look like twice as much blood is pouring out of your mouth. i was in the bathroom doing this, halle watching, and i was starting to get scared because i could feel tons more blood pouring down my throat. i finally choked out the words, "go get daddy" to halle, which she did. she is luckily to young to be scared and doesn't even know what blood is. after 15 min. i called my neighbor to come over so tom could take me to the hospital. it took her about 15 min. to get there, so after about a half our of bleeding, i ended up throwing up a blood clot that looked like a child's kidney. it really freaked me out. luckily, halle was excited to see our neighbor and her daughter, halle's freind. kiera was luckily asleep. we went to the hospital, my bleeding stoped on the way, but all the blood in my stomach, made me throw up, i was holding a pretty large empty cup and filled it up, it looked like a horror film , and totally freaked me out. i just held it all the way the ER and every time i looked down at it, i yelled to tom, "i think i'm gunna die!!!". we got to the waiting room, waited awhile and then went in a room to wait for the ENT to get there. as soon as he got there, he said, we needed to go to the OR, put me back under, and cauterize the bleed. i was really depressed about that, but was happy my girls were safe and happy. peggy came to relieve my neighbor. after sugery, tom went back home to put the girls to sleep. peggy came to the hospital to see how i was doing. i was absolutly miserable, so she told me she would stay the night with me and i was so happy i didn't want to be alone and be so uncomfortable. i was shivering from the anestesia but the shivering was making me really hot, and they had stuck a suction down my throat to suck all the blood out of my stomach,but i still felt nauseus...it was a miserable evening, but eventually i fell asleep and made it to the morning. the next day and today, i have felt pretty good, just very tired. my pain level is very mild, but i have thrush on my tongue now from taking liquid antibiotics. its very uncomfortable and makes eating irritating. i'm getting medicine for that today, hopefully it works quickly, so i can eat more and gets some of my energy back. the doctor told me to lay in bed for the next few days so i don't bleed again. the dr. said that bleeding like this is very rare, so for it to happen again would be really rare, but i am taking it very easy because i really don't want this to happen again. i just want to be better so bad. I miss playing with my girls so much. i miss talking to them in more then mumbles and i really miss laughing, which has been impossible for over a week now! I miss putting my babies to sleep and taking care of them. they are luckily doing great and are understanding of me being in bed all the time.

thankfully i have some really great freinds that are coming over in shifts this weeks to help take care of me and the kids! and i have some great freinds that are bringing me dinner, well, the family dinner this week, i'm still on jello and soup!